Alternately titled: I Do Believe in Spooks. I Do Believe in Spooks. I Do, I Do, I Do Believe in Spooks!
We’ve covered previously that I unequivocally believe in ghosts. So it’s not such a stretch for me to believe in other supernatural things. I’m not talking about vampires and warewolves (although if Eric Northman showed up at my doorstep I could be easily convinced of anything) but rather paranormal stuff like psychics and voodoo.
I do initially want to offer a little bit of defense for myself by saying that I’m still a discerning person. I realize that a lot of people with purported psychic powers are playing on human emotion and manipulating it to a certain desired outcome. I know that they seem realistic but that’s because they’ve learned the techniques necessary to seem realistic.
But if you really do believe that there are some psychics out there then how the hell do you tell the difference??? Dammit, this is the problem with the supernatural. We can’t prove that shit.
So anyway, my mom is at an astronaut conference in New Orleans this week. Yesterday she sent me this message:
For those who don’t know, my stepdad has Diabetes (go here and donate if you’re feeling generous!).
I told her that I’m not pregnant and I know that for sure because just this Tuesday I was party to a
medical procedure that I requested prison rape involving an ultrasound wand. More on that tomorrow.
Apparently the palm reader said that if I’m not pregnant now I will be very soon. YAY!
My sister yelled at me for being so gullible. I told her that it was more just hope that it would happen quickly (since we just began ttc a few weeks ago [look at me using acronyms! pregnancy sites are all over the acronyms]) rather than me thinking that the palm reader KNEW.
Buuuut he did get a bunch of other stuff right. He knew Amber wasn’t married but that her and Jim were “together for the distance.”
He said to my mom “Two of your kids never want to throw anything away and it drives you crazy.” Hello, dumpster diver blog post from three weeks ago.
He talked about my mom’s new job which she was just offered the day before.
He knew she was on her second marriage.
He asked how much more weight she was planning to lose, and knew that she had lost a bunch already.
There’s other stuff too, but those things aren’t my stories to tell. I also haven’t been able to actually speak to her and hear about the experience, I got everything through text. So I’m looking forward to hearing the story this weekend at our Easter get together.
Until then you’ll find me on target.com putting together a baby registry for my little presciently forthcoming bundle of joy!
Because my blog is now dominated with searches for the much coveted Petite Lap Giraffe, I must direct you HERE to my original post about them. But while you’re visiting you should probably sit back, grab a beer, and look around for a while. It really won’t take too long as I’ve only been at this for a few months. Who knows, you may actually enjoy yourself. If not just keep your trap shut because I don’t like back talk.
Search Terms for 7 days ending 2011-03-28 (Summarized)
2011-03-21 to Today
|are lap giraffes real||11|
|mini giraffe real||7|
|petite lap giraffe||6|
|are lap giraffes real?||5|
|are petite lap giraffes real?||4|
|petite lap draft||4|
|are petite lap giraffes real||4|
|petite lap giraffe are they real?||3|
|petite lap giraffe real?||2|
|are there really petite lap giraffes?||2|
|how much are petite lap giraffes||2|
|real mini giraffe||2|
|are petite giraffes real||2|
|are mini giraffes real||2|
|lap giraffes are they real||2|
|“i don’t want” petite lap giraffe||2|
|cost petite lap giraffes||2|
|petite lap giraffe myth||1|
|how much is a petite lap giraffe||1|
|petite lap giraffes joke||1|
|petite giraffe real?||1|
|petite lap giraffe, real||1|
|big girls outdoor glamour shots||1|
|thanks to my mom different flavors of hershey’s kisses||1|
|are lap giraffees real||1|
|petite lap giraffe real||1|
|irish carry grudges in noses||1|
|is petite lap giraffe real||1|
|“petite lap giraffe”||1|
|are there really petite giraffes||1|
|are lap girraffes real??||1|
|petite lap giraffe direct tv marketing ploy||1|
|are the petite lap giraffes real myth||1|
|petite lap giraffes is it real?||1|
|petite lap giraffes real or not||1|
|is petite lap giraffe a direct tv marketing ploy?||1|
|petite giraffes real?||1|
|my glamour shots pics||1|
|petite a giraffe make||1|
|petite lap giraffe for real?||1|
|petite lap giraffes are not real||1|
|lap giraffes real or not||1|
|petite lap giraffe/ is it real?||1|
|petite lap giraffes, joke or real?||1|
|petite lap giraffe direct tv commercial||1|
|sokoblovsky farms myth||1|
|is the mini giraffe real||1|
|lap mini giraffe||1|
|mini giraffe real?||1|
|petite giraffe myth||1|
|pette lap giraffes real||1|
|petite lap giraffes||1|
|are lap giraffes for real||1|
|are miniature lap giraffes real||1|
|miniature lap giraffes myth||1|
|mini giraffe for real||1|
|mini giraffes are they real||1|
|lap giraffe real?||1|
|is there really a petite giraffes||1|
|murph’s irish grudge||1|
|is there really a petite giraffe?||1|
|are the direct tv mini giraffes real?||1|
|real miniature giraffe||1|
|i want a lap giraffe||1|
|petite lap giraffe joke||1|
|petite mini giraffe||1|
|the irish grudge||1|
|are petite giraffes real?||1|
|“petite lap giraffes not real”||1|
|giraffe marketing ploy||1|
|petite lap giraffes, real or not?||1|
|snopes are petite lap giraffes real?||1|
|miniature lap girafes||1|
|mini giraffe direct tv||1|
|are plgs real||1|
|are petite mini giraffes real?||1|
|mini giraffe joke||1|
|petite lap giraffe – are they real?||1|
Today at my house we’re playing a game called Scott Cooks From a Recipe. Now, to the layperson you’d think that this would be an easy endeavor, one that many have mastered with ease seeing as it’s all laid out there in black and white. Don’t get me wrong, Scott cooks dinner about as much as I do. It’s just that his cooking consists completely of throwing things together instead of actually measuring and combining ingredients in a prescribed fashion. He usually does something like marinated chicken breasts and mac n cheese and broccoli.
I do plenty of that myself, but usually around once a week I’ll cook something from a recipe. Most of them I get from allrecipes.com which I loooove because there’s such an extensive community of reviewers and most recipes even have recommendations for making the recipe even better. Or I’ll look to the Murphenway Family Cookbook my sister got us as a wedding present. It’s a compilation of recipes handed down from both of our families and it was one of the most thoughtful (and therefore best) presents we got.:
So back to Scott Cooks From a Recipe.
He’s going this afternoon to pick up his new smoker so obviously we have to cook something in it tomorrow. Scott’s a sales rep and one of the benefits of the job is that we get to use samples of a lot of the products he represents. So this is a Masterbuilt smoker…oh shit! I hadn’t seen it until I just went to link it, it looks sweet as hell and now I’m excited! So yeah, the owners of Masterbuilt cowrote a cookbook with Paula Deen and we got one to work with. I guess they’re playing into that Southern mentality because the cookbook is called “DADGUM…That’s Good!” Pretty specific target marketing, eh? But if Scott cooks with the smoker and uses the recipes then he knows more about the product and can sell it better and I get to eat amazing food. Win/win.
Last night he told me that he wanted to cook a brisket, two full racks of ribs, and a pork tenderloin. Now there’s two of us eating here…that’s a little bit of overkill right? I told him that was a little zealous and he assured me that we could freeze it and eat bbq for the rest of
our lives the week. We compromised on one large prime rib roast and pork tenderloin. I think it’s still too much but he’s excited and it’s cute so we went and spent a gazillion dollars at the grocery store to get the stuff. (For those in StL…I usually shop at Shop n Save but we went to Dierberg’s because they have a butcher. Holy hell that place is so much more expensive!)
Before we left for the store Scott was trying to evaluate what we needed. But he was doing it from the comfort of the dining room table while I was trying to enjoy my Saturday morning waffles. “Babe, do we have ginger?” “Babe, do we have rice vinegar?” “What’s black pepper?” “Babe, do we have garlic? Are you sure we have enough? I don’t think we have enough garlic.” Aaaaahhhh go in the kitchen and look for yourself you psycho! What makes you think that I have our entire kitchen inventory laid out in my head?? So after taking every-single-thing out of the baking cabinet he was able to evaluate what we had and what we needed.
When it came time to actually measure out the ingredients that threw him for a loop too. “Tsp is teaspoon right and Tbsp is tablespoon?” To be fair, one of the recipes called for 1/8 of a tablespoon of garlic powder. As if anyone has a 1/8 tablespoon to measure that out. He then broke up a head of garlic, producing about 10 cloves and asked “Should I just mince all of these?” when the recipe calls for three.
There was also no sense of organization. He had the recipe on the dining room table, the roast on one counter, and all of the seasonings on another counter out of reach. I suggested that he put it all within grabbing distance. Once that was settled he seemed to fall into a much easier routine and I was able to take this adorable picture:
He said “Are you posting that on facebook?”
“Oh.” (Disappointed look)
“Umm you want me to?”
I tried, but actually I can’t because for some reason fb mobile craps out on me pretty often and won’t let me post photos, so I have to delete and re-download the program. Anyone else have this problem? Either way, he can’t post it himself because that wouldn’t be cool, so he’ll have to deal with it only being seen by those who read my blog.
Ever since I saw the DirectTV commercial below with the tiny giraffe I’ve been whining at Scott to get me one. Because I think being unreasonable can be cute. And also, who doesn’t love really teeny animals?
It’s been a running joke…he’s supposed to get me a mini giraffe and I’m getting him a hot tub that I’ve been paying off one nickle at a time on layaway for the past 4 years. This is probably one of those stupid husband and wife things that other people don’t really think is funny.
My friend Sara knows about my love for the mini giraffe, so today she posted this link on my fb page. GUYS MINI GIRAFFES ARE REAL!!
I now know that they’re actually called Petite Lap Giraffes, or PLGs for short, and I’m number 38181 on the waiting list to get one.
PLGs are available exclusively at Sokoblovsky Farms in Russia. They like bonsai tree leaves, being indoors, and bubble baths.
“Petite Lap Giraffes are very funny animal that require special care. They need lots of love. Hugs and kisses every day. Otherwise they make tears.”
I want a Petite Lap Giraffe…I swear I will give it hugs and kisses every day. I will make tears if I do not get one 😦
Much to my chagrin, Petite Lap Giraffes are not real. I don’t want to mislead any readers. When I saw the site I was about 99% positive it was a marketing ploy. The other 1% was strictly wishful thinking. So I did what anyone would do. I googled. This guy, among many other people, dispel the myth and are basically the meanest dream ruiners I’ve ever not-met.
Lord please help me finish this post in one shot because apparently if I begin a post and save it as a draft I might as well roll it up, put it in a bottle, and throw it into the ocean. Or River Des Peres, as the case may be.
I found a new blog yesterday…yay! I was playing around with my boyfriend, StumbleUpon, and I came across a compilation of hilarious Glamour Shots. Having been a tween at the height of the Glamour Shots era I remember begging my mom to take me. I wanted what every tween wants; to be older (and to smoke cigarettes and be able to wear really short booty shorts, but that’s beside the point). So for my 12th birthday we headed to the mall for a day of aerosol hairspray, cake makeup, and overtly sexy poses.
Right here would be where I put up a copy of my Glamour Shots pictures. But for some reason my mother, who has scanned and detailed her entire existence online (and therefore mine by proxy), does not have the photo on her blog or her fb page. Maybe she thought she was saving me from embarrassment? MOM – I know you’re reading this, if you have it uploaded anywhere link me to it!
Instead you’ll have to settle for some Glamour Shots reenactments I did with my bff and her sister and mother a few months back:
I don’t think any of them will be particularly appreciative if they knew I put these up, but they don’t read this shit so oh well. Is that rude? I think it ignores one of the cardinal rules of nice blogging…something about respecting other people’s boundaries…I don’t know. All I know is that these pictures are awesome and you deserve to see them, so I can’t in good conscience deprive you.
So anyway, back to the new blog I found. It’s called A Whole Lot of Nothing. She was linked on the bottom of the Glamour Shots post on We Know Awesome and after further investigation (ie – looking at the sidebar after pulling the site up from my history) it seems she’s also a writer/creator for that site.
So this chick, whose name is Angie, loves the word awesome as much as I do. She also has long curly blonde hair and glasses. And she’s about the same size and body type as me. And she seems to have a similar sense of humor. Honestly, I’m feeling really stalkerish after this paragraph. I usually hate reading overtly suck-y up-y stuff like this. Maybe that’s why I’m going nowhere in the blogging world; because I don’t fawn over other bloggers. Or maybe because I’m not really a fantastic writer and I only post about once a month. Who really knows the answer to these questions?
Anyway, it’s taken me 2 pointless paragraphs, 3 stellar pictures, and 2 more gush-y paragraphs for me to get to the point of this post. And that is Angie’s post today about weight. She’s getting over her fear and announcing her actual weight online (gasp!). Here is my comment and opinion on the subject:
(Is reposting a comment you made on another blog in your own blog tacky? Oh well, I’m tacky. I’ll embrace it.)
I’m a thicky thicky thick girl myself. Although I can’t deny that I can be self-conscious about my body, I’ve never really seen weight as anything but a number. The way I look at it is that I’m going to look the same way whether or not you know that I’m 210lbs. The actual number means absolutely nothing that isn’t patently visible when I try and put on a pair of pants that fit last year. So I’ve never really understood the social taboo of bringing up weight. As if people are going to see me as skinnier if I don’t tell them the exact amount of poundage I have stuffed under my clothes? I say YAY for you and anyone else that overcomes this phobia and throws up their numbers for the world to see!
Part of our societal issues with weight come from the fact that we think we’re so different than other people. We compare ourselves to this made up, idealized version of other people and, shockingly, always come up short. That was the whole point of the article in Curvy Girl Guide called Women Getting Real About Weight that drew Angie (the newest love of my bloggy life) to post today. Go look. Check those ladies out. Check me out. I’m 5’7 210lbs. And I rock this shit.
(Although as of tomorrow I will be rocking this shit from an elliptical 3 times a week like a healthy person should.)