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This could be a terrible idea

October 11, 2010

So yesterday I wrote up all of the wonderful things I think I can get out of blogging.  Now I’m going to reinvent the wheel and tell you what I’m nervous about.

I’m worried that I won’t be good.  Not that I won’t get critical acclaim…I don’t expect to be crowned the next most awesome blogger on the planet and get a one on one interview with Oprah.  Which probably wouldn’t be ideal anyway; I don’t think I could keep my distaste for her from creeping onto my face any longer than 3 minutes (I want to walk into the interview room and shout “I”m here!” expectantly waiting for her to burst into applause in the same way she does with everyone else).

But as it stands, I’m not confident in my writing skills.  Sure, I can type up an A+ paper on the historical and metaphorical significance of an Elizabeth Cady Stanton speech.  I can aggregate data in a way that’s easier to read and less sterile than most people are capable of.  The mechanics of that are different though, and I’m stepping out of my comfort zone.  I get to use words like “you” and “we” and if I want to start my sentences with conjunctions, I can.  And I’m learning that I loooove to start sentences with conjunctions.  I need to find a balance between my personal voice and enough correct grammar that it’s not irritating to read.

Speaking of my voice…I also fear that my writing voice will be in congruent with who I am.  I’ve read a lot of writers whose posts come across as contrived.  Like the parent bloggers who seem hell-bent on being seen as irreverent.  Maybe it’s because I’m more profane than most, but it’s going to take more than a couple of “fuck”s and an allusion to putting liquor in the baby bottle to make me say “Oh you’re so bad!”  Or the bloggers who think they’re hilarious but show no real life connection and only write to share their “humor” with the world.

I want to come off as authentic.  Whether or not people like what I have to say, I’d like to be seen as genuine.  Which is difficult from my end because of the ability to edit and re-edit and over-edit.  Living real life with a weak-ass brain-to-mouth filter doesn’t work like that.  If I say something stupid or mean or condescending, that’s it.  It’s out there in the world and whatever happens happens.  That’s not the case here…I can reassess and basically show you guys whatever version of me I want to highlight.

I want to be honest about the bad as well as the good because I’m a lay-it-all-out-on-the-line type of person.  If you want to know something about me just ask…there’s a 99% chance you’ll get a truthful answer.  Which is fine when I’m aware of who the information is going to and to what use it will likely be put.  But throwing everything out on the world wide web is a bit more daunting.  Partially for me, but mostly for people who may be affected indirectly.  And by “people who may be affected indirectly” I mean my husband.

He’s not to keen on the idea of me writing a blog.  He knows I’m not good a censoring myself, so he has a justified fear of me over-sharing our lives.  OUR lives.  If it were just me I could say “Fuck it, tell the world!”  But I don’t want him to be uncomfortable with the information I’m throwing out.  Inevitably he will because he’s a much more private person than me.  So I have to figure out how to walk the line between being genuine and not pissing off the most important person in my life too much (God knows I’ll push the limits).

Let’s face it.  I’ll never be able to be as raw as Eden at Edenland.  I’ll never be able to spin a mundane tale into something gut-busting like Allie at Hyperbole and a Half.  I’ll never be able to share my life with as much honesty as Maria at Immoral Matriarch.  I’ll never have the ability to craft prose with emotion and purpose like Polly at Lesbian Dad.  I’ll never be able to analyze and share my family dynamics like Kristen at Rage Against the Minivan.  I’ll never be able to capture the quirks of daily life like Susie at The Allison Wonderland.

Did I link to those people because I read that that’s what I’m supposed to do to get my blog rolling?  Hell yes.  But also because I’ve followed their lives through their writing and it has affected me and inspired me in different ways.  And even though I don’t think I’ll ever be equal to them in the ways I listed, I hope that I can find a home among them and create my own online space that could have an impact on some other asshole who stumbles into a desk job and kills time by starting to read blogs.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 11, 2010 5:26 pm

    Welcome to Blogging! I love your mom’s stuff and so far I’m impressed with you too. My hubby is very very private (he thinks telling people we saw a movie over the weekend is over sharing) and I am not. I’ve always been a blabber in real life and it tends to bleed over into my blog. Mostly he lives in Denial-land about what all I share, both online and IRL. I do not consider myself much of a writer either. Plus my hubby is 1st generation Irish. I married late in life, loved college, HMMMMM. Maybe we’re twins and Linda just conveniently forgot to tell you??

  2. October 12, 2010 7:21 pm

    He’s not a big reader, so I’m kinda counting on the fact that he’ll get sick of checking up on me sooner or later. Oh shit, he can see this if he reads the comments.
    Oh well, I’m happy to be writing and we’ll just see how it goes from there. I hope you continue to enjoy, maybetwin!

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