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Pumpkin is the New Bacon Mustache Ninja

October 12, 2010

Who the hell knows how a meme gets started or why some things spread like herpes on fire across the internet.  But most of these things annoy me.

The internet took something I love, bacon, and turned it into a million different completely unnecessary bacon-y things.  I can’t even be more specific than that, because the variations of these bacon-y things is so vast that it has almost turned me off of bacon. Bacon bra, bacon board game, bacon alarm clock (ok, that one might be a really good idea),  bacon lube, bacon wrapping paper.  Stupid.

Almost turned me off.  But I’m dedicated.  When I was in high school my stepdad was cooking breakfast and I was sneaking bacon off the plate as it came out of the pan.  When he went to serve breakfast he realized that half the plate was gone.  I accidentally ate an entire pound of bacon. Who does that?  So it’s going to take more than a little annoyance to keep me away for good.  I’ll still bitch about it though.

Then the internet went and took something that was already so disgusting that it’s associated with pedophiles and made it popular again.  That’s right, the mustache.  It’s gross enough on old men.  Case in point, my dad has been rocking the mustache for almost three decades:


Dad 'stache2010:

Dad stache in the new millenium I let it slide because, really, he doesn’t know any better.  We’ve been working with him on not tucking his t-shirt into his shorts for a few years now.  So we let the mustache go because he’s emotionally attached and there are more important fish to fry.

When it’s someone from my generation or younger…revolting.  Initially, I could handle the “ironic mustache” because the whole purpose was to make fun of a real mustache.  Little did those etsy-loving indie kids know that their irony would come back to bite all of us in the ass.  Now we have a whole new generation of upper lip squirrels that I have to look at on a regular basis.  Thanks hipsters.

Lastly we have ninjas.  This one doesn’t inspire the same hatred in me as the other two.  I just plain don’t get it.  The ninja meme seems to be part of nerd culture, which is probably why I don’t understand the allure.  Not to say that I’m so super-cool.  I love sci-fi and fantasy and comics.  I’d loooove to go to Comi-Con.  I just don’t get nerd humor.  I’m a bigger fan of sarcasm and derision.

You know what I’m talking about…it’s kinda playful and odd at the same time.  One of my best friends at work has this sense of humor.  She says things like “I love your phone I just want to take it to my desk and lick it.”  She also makes ninja stick figure theater on Post-It notes.  She’s asked if she can put another co-workers brain in a jar.  That type of funny is just foreign to me.  If it were 15 years ago when that type of personality ruled the online world it would make more sense.  But ninjas (and ninjas vs. pirates) have infiltrated otherwise awesome sites.

Now my news feed is filled with people jizzing all over pumpkin.  Pumpkin spice somethings from Starbucks, pumpkin ice cream, pumpkin beers.  Hell, a whole facebook group dedicated to Pumpkin Flavored Things.  Pumpkin Spice Hershey’s kisses?  Gross.

NastyI’m a huge proponent of pumpkin pie; I have nothing at all against the flavor itself.  It’s understandable that there’s a pumpkin surge in autumn.  I just hope that the internet learns from its mistakes and doesn’t drive the craze so far into the ground that I want to murder any kid that comes to my door dressed as a pumpkin on Halloween.

Sidenote:  I learned a few years back that in other cities the trick-or-treaters don’t have to do anything for candy.  Here they have to tell a joke or sing a little song.  That’s what makes it so much fun to give out candy, the little kids are adorable.  The rest of you guys are missing out.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. Karen permalink
    October 13, 2010 11:34 am

    Katie! It’s Karen McConnell! You are funny like your mother. And your dad is a dork.

    Also, I still make kids tell me jokes. Gets them all flustered!

    • Karen permalink
      October 13, 2010 11:35 am

      Also, I hope people aren’t really jizzing over pumpkin, cause gross.

      • October 13, 2010 3:48 pm

        Haha I hope they’re not *literally* jizzing all over pumpkin. Although with all the nasty websites out there I’d bet someone has that fetish.
        I’m glad you’re here and you think I’m funny too!

  2. J from Ireland permalink
    October 13, 2010 6:43 pm

    I have never even tasted pumpkin pie. Not very much used for eating over here. Great post. I think am gonna love this blog!!

    • October 14, 2010 2:36 pm

      I recommend it! Pumpkin pie is a staple for American Thanksgiving celebrations.

  3. October 14, 2010 3:13 am

    I found you through your mom’s blog. You are both very funny. I thought my daughter, who’s almost 13, thought pervs wore mustaches. She saw a mustache necklace on ebay or etsy and swooned. She is a riot! Ok she doesn’t even know what swooning means. lol

    Thanks for giving a new fresh approach to blogging. Only thing I can say is ..add more photos to make what you say..etc more real. Your dad and you with him having a mustache was perfect.


    • October 14, 2010 2:42 pm

      I know I’m getting older because I’m so annoyed by things that young people like. I remember being a kid and wondering why parents got all up in arms over things like guys who wore saggy jeans. It didn’t apply to them, nobody was forcing them to wear them. And I thought they looked cute on the boys anyway. Now I’m a card carrying member of the Pull Up Your Pants You Look Like a Fool club.
      Thanks for the advice! I think you’re right about adding more photos. The only problem is that I’m lazy about uploading pics. I’ll take pics at a bunch of different events and then upload them like every 4 months. Looks like I’ll have to get my head in the game if I want to make this place enjoyable.

  4. October 22, 2010 9:02 pm

    “Pull up yer damn pants!” is the new version of “Get offa my lawn!”

    I’m sure of it.


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