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HOLY SHITBALLS!

March 29, 2011

So here I am, sitting at my desk enjoying a chicken salad sandwich and some Mini Delights Caramel Drizzle (have you had these?  They’re fucking fantastic) and checking my blog stats.  Ever since I’ve expressed my love for the Petite Lap Giraffes I’ve gotten a gazillion more hits than usual.

When I first saw this spike I think “Oh hey cool, maybe a couple of people will read other things” but didn’t really take note.  Well, I kinda bragged to Scott about how I’m going to be the most famous person in the history of fame but that was just to annoy him.  I may have pulled up the # of hits on my phone and wiggled it 3 inches from his face while we were laying in bed.  Maybe.  Really though, they’re not here for me, they just want to know if the mini giraffe is real (spoiler alert:  it’s not) so I get a bunch of google hits for a couple of days and then go back to my life of complete anonymity on the internet.  Totally not an oxymoron, right?

Then today I see that I’m getting referrals from the WordPress Dashboard.  Being the advanced blogger that I am, I stumble around my dashboard and the WordPress site for awhile trying to find what the hell is going on.  Fuck…I just went back to try to find where I saw this and I can’t even find it.  What a tard.  But wherever it was, I’m on the list of fastest growing WordPress blogs:

BLAM!  I’m number 91!  Eat that, 92-100!!

So I feel pretty awesome.

For a few minutes.

Then I realize that I’m a crappy blogger who doesn’t post very regularly and that I seem to write more about blogging than my actual life.  It’s like those annoying assholes who tell you all about how they’re going to rehab their house and they’ve picked out paint colors and looked at curtains and candles and lamps and loungers and rugs and shelves while you’re sitting at a card table and chairs in their barren ass house thinking “Never a better time than the present, chief!”  (Says the chick who got rid of her card table and chairs 3 months ago and still has big white spots where they re-mudded during her kitchen remodel in December).

So I feel like I’ve gotten caught with my pants around my ankles.  There are people coming to see my blog and THERE’S NOTHING EXCITING HERE!

I guess this means I’m going to have to begin producing content.  Shudder.

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